Setting healthy boundaries…

Have you ever wondered why people choose to please others in the heat of the moment? This often happens because we have not intentionally set personal boundaries. This does not necessarily mean that we are selfish or self-centered; however, it means that we are aware that we must love ourselves enough to love others. It means we are mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to share healthy interactions.

You have heard of the saying, Hurt people hurt people; let me also add that a person without a healthy personal boundary will not respect other people’s boundaries. They will encroach on and disrespect other people’s boundaries and make excuses about it. This is because they do not understand what it means to have personal boundaries and how to apply them.

What are personal boundaries?

Setting personal boundaries involves drawing an invisible line you would not allow others to cross. You don’t have to say it; you need to live it. This quote from Cheryl Richardson, a lifestyle expert coach, is relevant: “If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.” This helps summarize what we need to understand by setting personal boundaries. These words may sound selfish, but in the real sense of it, setting personal boundaries is very hard. It is hard to look inward and make certain decisions from the norm. However, life as an adult always comes with many adjustments from the status quo. Setting boundaries will ensure you can control what you will tolerate in your space, what you allow in your thoughts, and what you will accept as “your norm.”

What boundaries are not

Allowing or disallowing some things in your life is an essential and highly valued life skill. However, it should not be used as a weapon against others. The beauty of boundaries is that they are ever-evolving and, therefore, imperfect. They are not cast in stone and are forever engraved and unchangeable. Instead, boundaries can be used as a compass that guides and guards our interactions with ourselves and others. Boundaries should remind us of the human ethics of “not harming” others instead of using it as a rigid rule to be mean or show a lack of empathy.

Where Boundaries Can be Set

We can set boundaries in all facets of our lives. We can set boundaries amongst ourselves and others. Setting boundaries within oneself includes what we restrain ourselves from doing, including who we hang out with, what we eat and drink, and even the words we speak. Setting these boundaries will depend on our personal goals and what we want to see in our lives.